


Love Isn't Easy

by lizibabes



Series: Hurt/Comfort Bingo [28]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: AU, Established Relationship, Insomnia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Swearing, sex.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-07
Updated: 2012-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-30 17:57:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/334522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompts wild card/Insomnia, Job-related trauma, Comfort food, Unexpected consequences of planned soul bonding for hurt/comfort February Amnesty challenge. Four prompts one fill. When they bonded their souls together, they never knew it would be like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Isn't Easy

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> AU in a world wear soul-bonding is common place, not in the same verse' as my other soul-bonding fic.

The day Adam got bonded to Tommy was the happiest of his life, better than getting into Idol, better than high album sales and sold out concerts. His second happiest was the day Adam asked Tommy to bond with him and he said yes. They'd talked about it a lot, after two years and two tours together, they were both pretty sure that the other wasn't going anywhere. They'd talked and talked and talked, till they were blue in the face. And then one day they had been lying on a beach, sharing a sun bed, watching their friends play. Isaac was splashing water at Sophia while she laughed and shrieked; they were in love, married and bonded. Adam had wanted that with Tommy, so he asked, then and there. No plan, no ring, no romantic meal, just them, alone in their own little world, hiding under a sun warmed towel. He can't smell sun cream and sand without thinking about that day, Tommy turning to him, pushing up his huge sun glasses, a sweet smile curving his lips as he said yes. Adam had never heard a sweeter word until they had their ceremony and he got to hear Tommy say he would take Adam as his bonded, his soul-mate, the other part of him.  
　  
They'd been told before the ceremony that depending on how compatible their souls were would determine how the soul bonding went. If two souls were connected, but were destined to be, the people being bounded wouldn't feel any different than they had before the ceremony. Some souls were meant to be together and when people like that chose to bond, their souls became one. Which was what had happened when they were bonded. They'd known what it meant to be soul bonded, but only in theory. When Adam woke up the day after the bonding ceremony able to feel Tommy's every emotion and every physical need, he'd been a little freaked out. They were so closely bonded that Adam even knew when Tommy needed to pee. He'd phoned Monte, because he'd been bonded forever and Monte had explained that when soul-mates were bonded, that for a while they would be like one person, but the effects would lessen over time.  
　  
+++++++++++++++++++  
　  
Week one

The sex is amazing, they can both feel each other’s pleasure, so every touch, every kiss, they both feel it. When one of them has an orgasm, they both feel like they’re having one and when they come at the same time? Adam almost passes out from how intensely good it is. Adam is glad he booked a house with a private beach for their honeymoon, because they spend a week fucking as many times as they can, everywhere they can think of. If it's still like this by the time they goes on tour, then Adam's going to have to get them both gags. He'd never expected this would happen when they bonded, but he's not complaining. He thinks they have more sex in the week of their honeymoon than most bonded couples do in a month. He wakes up hard every morning, but it's okay, because Tommy wakes up just as hard, just as eager. Some mornings Tommy will crawl under the sheets, get his mouth on Adam's cock till they both come hard, other mornings he straddles Adam, gets himself ready and takes what he wants, what they both want, and sometimes Adam will pin Tommy to the bed till they’re both begging. It's a perfect week, one that Adam wishes would never end, but it does and all too soon there heading back to the real world.  
　  
+++++++++++++++++++  
　  
Week two 

Adam has never had any trouble sleeping, so when they get back from their honeymoon he's surprised to find he can't sleep. He's sat watching movies with Tommy, hours after he normally would have cried uncle and gone to bed. He's tired, but he doesn't feel like he would fall asleep if he went to bed. His head is in Tommy's lap, Tommy's playing with his hair, which normally relaxes him so much that he falls asleep, dead to the world until Tommy shakes him awake and sends him up to bed.  
　  
"Are you okay, I can feel your frustration?" Tommy asks softly.  
　  
"I'm okay, I'm just really tired and I can't sleep." Adam sighs. When he feels a wave of guilt wash through him, he knows it's not his feeling, it's Tommy's. Adam turns over, so he's face up in Tommy's lap instead of on his side.  
　  
"What is it?" Adam asks.  
　  
"I think you've got my insomnia, because of the bond," Tommy groans.  
　  
"But I slept fine on our honeymoon." Adam frowns.  
　  
"We were having sex like a billion times a day, I slept too. This is another one of the effects they didn't tell us about." Tommy looks pissed off, but Adam can feel how worried he is. He sits up properly so he can wrap himself around Tommy.  
　  
"You've had insomnia for years and you cope with it. I can cope with it for however long the bond’s more unexpected effects take to fade." He's sure he can, he knows it's rough on Tommy, all the sleepless nights, but he's never understood quite how hard, but he will now.  
　  
Whenever Tommy says he thinks he could manage a nap over the next few days, Adam has one with him. He spends more time asleep on the couch, curled around Tommy, than he does in his bed. He honestly doesn't get how Tommy can be so laid back when he deals with this so often. It makes Adam feel irritable and pissy after only a couple of days. When he asks Tommy why it doesn't make him moody all the time, Tommy just shrugs and says he's used to it. Adam's heart breaks a little at the knowledge he now has what life is like to be Tommy. Once he can sleep again, he'll never take for granted the ability to sleep eight hours straight in a night again.   
　  
Most nights he sits up with Tommy, watching movies and Adam thinks by the time the bond settles down he'll need to buy a whole bunch of new DVD's because by the time he is no longer affected by Tommy's insomnia, he'll have watched all the best ones. Even though he hopes to be sleeping better by then, he's still going to get them; he hates the idea of Tommy being up all night with nothing to do. Every few nights Tommy gets out one of his guitars, he practices songs that he'll be performing with Adam on the next tour, songs that he just likes and sometimes he'll even play stuff that he's writing himself. Adam sings along some nights, if he knows the words, but he mainly just listens.   
　  
Tommy's so relaxed when he's playing and Adam feels it too, the tense muscles all go loose and he lies there listening. It doesn't cure the insomnia he's sharing with his lover, but it makes him forget about the fact that he wants to sleep, but can't for a while. It's amazing, feeling Tommy's emotion when he plays, he gets so lost in the music, it's beautiful and even though they hadn't planned on any of this when they decided to get soul bonded, Adam's glad he's got the chance to feel this.   
　  
+++++++++++++++++++  
　  
Week three 

He doesn't feel the panic at first, he's half asleep and he's not nearly as used to dealing with insomnia as Tommy is. He feels like he has no energy all the time, doesn't know how he's going to make it through a whole tour with insomnia, but Tommy has, twice, so he knows he can do it. The panic creeps in slowly, making his gut clench, his chest feel tight. Adam's never had stage fright, not like this, he loves his job, which can mean only one thing, he's not the one who's panicking, Tommy is. Everyone else is already backstage, ready for the first show of Adam's third world tour, but Tommy is nowhere to be seen. Luckily one of the effects of the bond means he can always find Tommy. He can follow the emotions that aren't his right back to the person the emotions come from. He finds Tommy in a dressing room, he's as white as a sheet and Adam feels the panic throbbing through his body as if were his own.  
　  
"Baby?" Adam calls out softly, not wanting to startle Tommy if for some reason Tommy hadn't felt Adam coming into the room.  
　  
"I'm sorry," Tommy whispers and Adam all but runs the short distance to Tommy, cuddles him close and waits for Tommy to talk, to tell him what is wrong, he can feel the panic, but not its cause.  
　  
"You don't have to apologize to me for the way you feel, Tommy," Adam says firmly.  
　  
"It's not fair, first I give you insomnia and now my stage fright? You’re going to end up wishing you never bonded with me, you’re going to want to get it broken," Tommy says, his voice thick like he's on the verge of tears.  
　  
"Tommy no, don't think that. I don't regret bonding to you and everyone says the unexpected side effects of us bonding will go away and then it'll just be us, two halves of a whole. I will never regret asking you to bond with me or the fact that we bonded," Adam says, willing Tommy to feel that he means it. He'd take months, years of insomnia if he needed to in order to be with Tommy. He'd gladly never have a good night’s sleep again if it meant being bonded to a man he loves more than any other.   
　  
"I keep giving you bad shit though. You’re not the one doing all of this," Tommy says, shaking his head.  
　  
"Here, give me your hand," Adam asks, picking up one of Tommy's hands; it's shaking as he presses it over his heart. The fact that his shirt only buttons up half way makes it easy for them to be skin to skin.  
　  
"What are you doing, Adam?" Tommy asks, the panic he's feeling still coming off of him in waves.  
　  
"Try to block out everything else your feeling for a little while okay? Just focus on me, my heart beat," Adam says softly and he can feel it when Tommy pushes every other feeling away. He can't make them leave, it's more like locking them away in a box for a little while, but it's all Adam needs.  
　  
"I love you, I always will, no matter what the bond makes happen. Can you feel it, how much I love you?" Adam asks, trying to let it show through everything else. He loves Tommy more than life itself. He had wanted Tommy from the first moment he laid eyes on him, had started falling after their first conversation. By the first show they played together, Adam couldn't imagine not having Tommy in his life.   
　  
He feels when Tommy feels it and the answering wave of love that floods across the bond from Tommy. Adam can't help smiling, it's amazing feeling how much he's loved back by Tommy.   
　  
"You didn't used to get stage fright, not this bad," Adam says softly. He thinks he would have noticed if Tommy was panicking like this every time they had a show, hell Tommy wouldn't be working as a musician if he had always been this frightened.   
　  
"Moscow, it started after Moscow," Tommy admits quietly and he doesn't even need to say anything else. Adam knows what happened in Moscow during the last tour. They'd come out as a couple before that show, so many people were happy for them, but there had been a lot of shit floating around, because Adam and everyone else had spent years telling the world Tommy was straight. It hadn't been a lie. Adam was and will be the only man Tommy had ever slept with. Some of the accusations had been ugly, like that Adam had pretended Tommy was straight, so that any boyfriends he had waiting for him at home wouldn't think he was fucking Tommy while on tour. It had never been like that though and a lot of people seemed to get that; the idea of someone loving the person first, sex being an afterthought.   
　  
There had been fans who really supported them and it had made Adam smile to see hand-made posters dedicated to Tommy and Adam being together. They'd been halfway through their first show as an out couple when it all went wrong and they saw an uglier side to people, not just the fans who thought Adam should be with someone else, not the media who wanted to make their relationship into a scandal. It was much, much worse. Adam didn't even notice one of the people in the audience pushing forward through the crowd, hadn't noticed that they had something in their hand when he did spot them. By the time he saw the bottle it was too late, he shouted out a warning, right into the microphone. Tommy had turned toward Adam, the glass bottle that would have hit him full on in the face hitting the side of his head and shattering. He'd gone down hard and Adam didn't remember dropping his microphone, but he knows he did from the videos that had played on the news and a dozen other programs for weeks after.   
　  
He's seen himself drop to his knees beside Tommy on the stage a hundred times easily. He's seen security swarm the girl who had thrown the bottle. There had been a deep gash on the shaved side of Tommy's hair and too many smaller cuts to count. He hardly even remembers getting Tommy off stage or the trip in the ambulance with him. He just remembers sitting by Tommy, after they had sedated him as they said he was in shock and they didn't want to scare him when they cleaned the wounds of glass and stitched all the cuts that needed it up. Adam had sat staring at his hands while Tommy slept; they were covered in smears of Tommy's blood. Isaac had explained that Adam had got them when he'd been getting Tommy off the stage.  
　  
The doctor they saw when it was time to get the stitches taken out had said Tommy had got very lucky that the big cut on the side of his head hadn't scarred. That he'd been lucky the blow to the head had only dazed him. And even though those things were true in a way, Adam had wanted to shake the doctor. Ask if he'd feel lucky if a complete stranger threw a bottle at his face, just because he dared to love someone they didn't approve of.   
　  
"They've tightened security. Why didn't you tell me you'd been getting panic attacks?" Adam asks. Moscow hadn't been the last show they played before Adam and Tommy got bonded. He can't believe Tommy felt like this before all of them and he didn't notice, that Tommy didn't say anything.   
　  
"I know. I know it won't happen again, that I'm worrying over nothing. That's why I didn't say anything, I'm being irrational, stupid, but it won't go away." Tommy sighs, taking his hand back from where Adam had been pressing it to his heart. He shoves both of his hands under his thighs, like maybe he's trying to hide the fine tremors running through them.  
　  
"It's not stupid Tommy Joe, what happened to you was horrible. When people go through a trauma, it affects them in all kinds of ways. No matter how stupid or irrational you think your emotions are, you can always talk to me," Adam says firmly.  
　  
"It's weird though. I'm fine when I'm on stage. I got hurt when I was on stage, but I still love that part of the job. It's just before I get on stage that I fall apart," Tommy admits.  
　  
"Well, I'll just have to distract you while we're waiting to go play on stage," Adam says softly. He cups Tommy's jaw, kissing him softly. He should have talked to Tommy more about what happened. He knew things weren't as simple as Tommy got hurt on tour and all he had to do was heal physically. Being attacked anywhere could be traumatizing. Tommy had been attacked at work, so it made sense that it was at work that Tommy ended up feeling like this.  
　  
He kisses Tommy, so he can feel that the panic is mostly gone, nothing but a shadow in the background of Tommy's mind. They walk back to the others holding hands. The whole time they're back stage waiting to go on and perform, Adam makes sure he's always touching Tommy somewhere. Even though Tommy had insisted he feels fine when he's on stage, he still sticks close to him through the whole show that night.   
　  
The show’s local, so once the concert is over, every song sung, every note played, they get to go home, neither of them bother using the shower at the venue, knowing they won't have to wait long to use their own. They shower together, sharing lazy kisses as they wash the concert off of their skin. They don’t move past kissing until they’re dried off and falling into bed. He opens Tommy up slowly, torturing them both, with a slow teasing pace. By the time he pushed into Tommy's body, he's loose and pliant, moaning into the bed beneath him. They’re both covered in sweat again, like the shower they shared had never happened. He licks the sweat off of Tommy's skin, kisses where the glass cut him the worst. He's grateful to the bond and its unexpected effects. Without it he would have probably never talked about the concert in Moscow with Tommy. He thinks maybe now that Tommy has someone to talk about it with, it might help. And for tonight they can get lost in pleasure, their own and each other’s. For the first time in weeks Adam sees the sunrise for a reason other than insomnia, watches the light fill the room, making the sweat on their joint bodies shimmer. Moment like this, with Tommy, are the moments he lives for.   
　  
++++++++++++++++++++  
　  
Week Four 

When Adam is stressed, his go to comfort food is ice cream. He hates himself for eating it after and spends extra time working it off, but as vices go, he doesn't think it's the worst one to have. After his meeting with the people running the AMA's this year he needs it. Which was why when he'd stopped on the way home, driving back with Tommy he'd bought the biggest tub of ice cream he could find. When Tommy needed comfort food, he didn't go for a classic, like ice cream, no, he'd gone in to some Mexican place and ordered half the menu. So now they were both sat on their couch, in the pyjamas, stuffing their faces.  
　  
"I can't believe that shit," Tommy mutters, viciously biting off a mouthful of burrito, like he's imagining doing something incredibly violent to the men they'd had to deal with today, probably something gruesome inspired by one of the many horror films he had memorised.   
　  
"I felt like a toddler being told off by the grown ups." Adam sighs, scooping up more ice cream.  
　  
"I liked their whole,' we’re not and the network’s not homophobic, but'. Funny that how any time anyone says that, it seems to be followed by something really homophobic," Tommy growls.  
　  
"Act appropriately? You’re my husband, my bonded. If I want to kiss you at their damn awards, I will," Adam says around a mouthful of ice cream.  
　  
"You said you wouldn't, back in the meeting," Tommy points out.  
　  
"I said I wouldn't be inappropriate. I don't see anything inappropriate about kissing you. Everyone knows we're bonded, there are tons of videos of us kissing online, it's not like we're going to shock anyone if we do kiss," Adam says, licking some ice cream off the spoon. He doesn't know why his go to comfort food isn't making him feel better. He's just spent an hour promising a bunch of assholes that he'll act like a nun on stage, because his management insists he has to sing at the AMA's before the tour kicks into full steam. It reminds him of going through all the drama the first time, when he hadn't been with Tommy, but he's been drawn to him.   
　  
"Fucking inappropriate, like who are they to judge what's appropriate?" Tommy says, staring at his food like it's offended him somehow.  
　  
Adam has a thought. He takes the burrito from Tommy's hand, swapping it for his spoon. He takes the first bite of the burrito, spices exploding over his tongue; it tastes amazing and it's exactly what his body is craving after the drama of the afternoon. A room full of men in suits telling him that his love was offensive, not family friendly, it was fucking insulting. He wouldn't be rubbing on dancers this time. Tommy had a jealous streak, not irrationally big, but he was pretty firm on the no other men rubbing their faces on Adam's crouch thing and Adam was more than okay with that.  
　  
"The world’s come a long way, but there are still people out there that think we're wrong to love each other. People who think gay people are okay, just as long as they don't do anything gay, like kiss a man. A gay singer can perform on big award shows, but he can't be sexual." Adam shakes his head, taking another bite of his burrito as Tommy slides all his Mexican food over to Adam's side of the coffee table, then he lifts the tub of ice cream from where it's been turning Adam's legs numb.   
　  
"This is really good ice cream. I can see why you love this stuff so much," Tommy says around a mouthful of ice cream. They don't even talk about the fact that they are craving each other’s comfort foods, it's got to a point where even though the bond is still affecting them in unexpected ways, it's never really surprising anymore.   
　  
They sit together, eat their comfort food and just enjoy being close. Adam doesn't think he'll ever be able to understand how anyone could think the love he and Tommy share is bad, evil or wrong. He doesn't see how love between two consenting adults can ever be wrong. The comfort food helps a little but he's still up for hours that night, thinking about it, thanks to the insomnia he's sharing with Tommy. He really isn't ever going to bitch about a bad night’s sleep again. That's if he ever gets his own sleep pattern back. After every AMA's rehearsal, Adam ends up stopping for Mexican food and ice cream; sometimes they both eat their normal comfort food from before the bound. Sometimes their comfort foods switch like they had after the first meeting with the AMA people. Other nights they both want the same thing. Adam thinks he likes the nights when they both want both. It's still comfort food, but it seems more like a real meal that way.  
　  
Adam works out every day to counter act all the comfort food he's eating. Tommy watches him sometimes and it's clear the bound hasn't affected them that way. Tommy can still eat whatever he likes without gaining a speck of weight. Adam wonders why he doesn't resent him for it, but he never has. Maybe it's because he knows Tommy wasn't always happy about his body, not comfortable in his own skin. Adam thinks maybe most people go through that, at least a little, at some point in their lives. When he's working out and Tommy's watching him, Adam can tell Tommy thinks he's beautiful, perfect even and it makes it a little easier, to eat junk when he needs comfort food and not hate himself from it.  
　  
++++++++++++++++++  
　  
Week Five 

When Adam wakes up one morning and he can't feel Tommy's emotions, his eyes fly open. Tommy's in bed beside him, chest rising and falling and the momentary panic drifts away. When he touches Tommy, he can feel what Tommy is feeling, but it's muted, Tommy's emotions are once again clearly his, not so much a part of Adam that he almost can't tell whose emotions are who. When Tommy wakes up, he says he feels the same as Adam does. They can feel each other’s emotions if they try, but only if they try. Instead of feeling like they are the same person, just in two different bodies, Adam feels like they are finally just two people, connected by their bond, but still two separate people. It seems everyone was right about the unexpected things about being bonded to your soul-mate going away in time.  
　  
He knows he won't miss the insomnia, but he's glad they went through what they did. He thinks the experience made them feel closer than the bond had. He's still glad he found out about the trauma Tommy had gone through, how it was affecting his work and he's glad he found out before the tour really started. When they are on tour and the stress is getting to them, Adam can see them sharing comfort food, just like they share anything else. The promise Adam made Tommy is still true, he doesn't regret bonding to Tommy, despite the rocky start. He wouldn't change a thing. A few weeks of insomnia and other small problems and then a life time of getting to be with the man he loves; body, mind and soul; he won't ever regret that. He loves Tommy, would never stop just because it isn't always easy. Life and love, isn't always easy, but he thinks the bad parts are what help people see the good. Adam is soul bonded to the man he loves. It isn't easy, but it sure as hell is worth it.  
　  
The End.


End file.
